The truth. We always say we want it but when we’re faced with it, we usually don’t like it. In fact, we hate it if we’re really being honest with ourselves. The truth forces you to face the reality that everything is not as good as you thought it was. Or maybe, the truth forces you to face yourself. Looking at myself in the metaphorical mirror that reflects my being inside and out always troubles me. Or perhaps, maybe I’m the only one who struggles with truth and reality. Yeah, it’s just me.
These past few months have been some of the roughest. Remember that one blog post where I said this year is going to be my year? Yeah, that’s because I never said it. The reality is that no year is ever going to be my year. I just have to roll with the punches and make the best of what I have been dealt. I will say I am proud of myself for surviving this long. Survive is about as nice as I can manage to state it. I have been at my utter lowest as a person, as a wife, as a Christian. I have been just above the water enough to get that life-giving gasp of breath before life drags me back below the dark, billowy water. Have you been there too?
Perhaps you’re there now and I don’t know if you came here to see an inspirational post, but this is not that kind of post. I don’t have the energy to inspire myself let alone anyone else. All I can hope is that these words give light where there is too much darkness. I don’t want you to be inspired to be more and/or do more than you can (physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually). Sometimes we have to give ourselves room to just be. If you’re “be-ing” is surviving day to day, then I applaud you. Sometimes that looks like getting out of bed to brush your teeth and eat. Even if eventually you make it back to bed. You did something. I applaud you. Sometimes that means you showered today. I applaud you. Sometimes that means you reached out to a friend via text, FaceTime, or Facebook. I applaud you. Sometimes surviving is all you can do until you can actually live again. And that’s where I am.
The truth about faith is that sometimes you’re faithless, hopeless, and down right life-less. But eventually you come back around (because it can get better) and that little tiny seed of faith that you had is like a precious life raft that kept you afloat. Because the reality, for me, is this: even when I’m at my lowest, sometimes there’s this tiny, seemingly fleeting light of faith and hope that I have to hold on to or I’m tempted to extinguish that light in me. Thank God for that light. Even when it’s hard to see it, even when it’s barely felt, there’s some hope there. I know my words may not ignite it in you, I know you may never want to reach out to touch it, I know you may want to escape it all but I promise we can get through this together. Would you just hold out for the light? For me? I’ll do the same for you.
Find Your Light Again: